As the holidays came to a close, I found myself wrapped in the warmth that comes from knowing my family and friends are loved and comfortable. Other than a few minor ailments, we are all healthy and happy. No one is in trouble with the law or with an evil person and we are all in a really good place.
Knowing that we are comfortable and happy means so much to me considering where we were a year ago. Last Christmas was our first without my Mom. It was the first Christmas where we tried to make it the same as it was every year, and knowing that it wasn’t. This year we started our own traditions and had our own activities. We had a lot to be thankful for as we sat around the table to eat together.
My in-laws welcomed a new member with the birth of Nickolas back in April. He has brought so much joy and love to our family that it’s hard to remember life without him in it. His smile has two teeth in it and a promise of more to come. At 8 months he’s already in 18 month clothing and has hopefully plateaued. He’s a great kid. Healthy and happy and absolutely in love with my husband, his Uncle James. A love I can see growing as he gets older.
On my side of the family we’ve had to deal with my dad finding his sea legs in the dating world. It’s been very difficult for all of us to see him fall hard only to find heartache at the ripe age of 60. It’s a pain we’ve all had but he hasn’t experienced in the better part of 40 years other than the loss of my mom. With the first relationship over we are happy to see him exploring his options in different ways, online dating, singles dances and accepting when someone wants to set him up on a blind date. He appears to be flourishing and we are all happy for him.
This past year has brought me and my husband closer. We’ve rekindled the passion we had when we first started dating. By passion, I don’t mean in the bedroom. I mean a passion for wanting to talk to each other and share our hopes, dreams and sorrows. Our relationship was built on friendship and this year we became closer and more romantic. It’s a love I could only dream about and our relationship doesn’t have the same strain it had last year when my mind wasn’t thinking straight and was covered in a fog that can only be called grief.
I went through the Coping process and I cannot recommend it enough. It helped me turn my grief into healthy outlets. Allowed me to talk about my memories and talk about my mom so that I don’t cry all the time. I find now I’m laughing when I talk about her and I know that she would be happy that we are all happy.
It’s been a great year. Saw several of our friends get married and have babies. We were so happy to celebrate with them. Each of their weddings were special and fun. Each of their babies adorable and unique.
We started on a weight loss journey and are both down over 20 lbs from where we were at the start of the year. It’s a full lifestyle change with exercise, eating right and working together. It’s yet another passion we have for each other – each cheering on the other and supporting when one of us has had a slip up.
It hasn’t all been good. We’ve still been saddened every month when we find we aren’t going to be parents. Some of our extended family lost their lives in car accidents or to illness. Cars have broken down and cost a lot in repairs. The clock has kept on ticking and we haven’t been able to get everything done that we’ve wanted.
2012 will be a year to remember and not because we survived the apocalypse (which we did) but because we found each other. We discovered how strong we really are and how the heart can heal. We’ve traveled and laughed and cried and lived. That’s exactly how to look at this year, in 2012, we lived.