Yes, I had a baby. And yes, that changed my status as now I’m not just a daughter, sister and wife, I’m now a mother. But that isn’t all I want to be. I want to be me.
But who am I?
I’ve been struggling with that question my whole life.
I know part of that is to do with my personality. According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator I am an INFJ. Per the Myers & Briggs website:
INFJ
Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision.
That pretty much sums me up don’t you think?
I ended 2015 really thinking about myself. I’ve focused so much of the past several months on my baby and her development that I think it was time to focus on my own. I’m not working at the moment as I’m on maternity leave so it’s the perfect time to do some things just for me.
It was about December 29th that a friend posted about how they hated resolutions and how they really felt they were just made to be broken. They mentioned how they preferred to make a goals list. Goals are measurable. Goals can be broken down into parts which help make them attainable.
Goals.
Goals?
That’s perfect! I could set some goals for things I wanted to accomplish this year. Goals for things I can do that can include but are mostly independant from my daughter. She’s great. I love her to pieces but I don’t want to lose myself in her. I want to be my own person while I help her become independant. And isn’t it better that I can show her that by working hard she can also reach goals? Goals are the perfect thing.
So I’ve started 2016 wanting to do some things that are minor changes but help me become more me. I love writing, always have. But have I been doing it regularly? No. Can I fix that? Yes!
I started a handwritten journal. I haven’t done that in decades but I’m loving being able to write about my day, my hopes and dreams and yes, my fears. I’m coming up with new blog ideas because it should not go 6 months without people being able to read what’s on my mind.
Also on the writing vein, I’ve signed up for a writing workshop with Larry Brown through the Cambridge Public Library and Idea Exchange. I’ve taken a course with Larry before and it was fantastic. He has a way of making your mind think in different ways. His prompts take you in directions you never thought you would take. Knowing that this course is 6 weeks in the evening I feel great in knowing that my creative mind will be flowing again.
Wanting to use my creativity in other ways as well, I’m going to be doing a painting night with some friends. It’s become really popular around where I live for people to get together, have a few drinks and attempt to paint something that is the same or similar. I’ve been seeing works that friends have done and it sparked my interest. I decided to take the plunge and will be going to one next week.
Another goal I have is to lose 15 lbs. That’s a minor amount but a huge goal for me.
I had a baby. My body is not in any shape other than round.
Losing weight means really focusing on what I’m putting into my body and what I’m doing with it. So to start me on my way, I signed up for the 21 Day Fix through Beachbody. I’m currently on day 20. My 21 days are over tomorrow. Since I started I’ve been losing inches off my body. I’m already noticing some differences. My clothes fit better. I have more energy. I actually look forward to getting my shake every morning. I don’t think I’ve reached 15 lbs, but I know I’m on the right track.
I have a few other goals too, mostly involving my career and my daughter but there’s plenty of time for that. The key thing for me is that I’ve made some goals and I’m going to really work for them. I want to succeed in life and the only way I can do that is if I’m doing things that I really enjoy.
Maybe 2016 is the year I don’t find a new me, but I find the REAL me.
© Corina Harris 2016