Some things have been happening around me that have been reminding me of something that I haven’t had for awhile – new romance.
Even though it’s been a few years, okay it’s been 7 years, but I remember how amazing it is to be in those beginning stages of a relationship. When everything is exciting and new. I remember wondering if the person I liked was liking me back. I remember being with them and just smiling. Heck I remember thinking of them and just smiling.
I have been with my husband for 7 years and I still get a little smile when I think back to the beginning stages of our courtship. And yes – I do think it was a courtship. This was when we got to know each other. I was impressed by his memory and his listening skills. I told him that I really liked yellow flowers and he showed up with them. I told him that I liked the letter Q and he made an entire CD titled the Quiet Quotient. It was filled with songs that made him think of me. My heart swooned in his creativity and basic simple caring.
I also remember how our relationship was built on friendship. That we would write and write each other email after email about ourselves, our families, our likes and our dislikes. Getting emails from him made my heart soar, and thinking about him made my mind race.
It was all so exciting and so new and I remember thinking that someday my bubble is going to burst. There is no way that this witty, charming, adorable dork of a man could really like me. Who am I? I’m just some overweight formerly athletic girl with a low paying job and no real passion for any one thing. Here was someone who was passionate about sports and music and computers. What would we ever find to talk about?
But that was the wonderous thing. We could talk about anything. No topic was off limits. We were open and honest with each other about our lives. I felt things building and I wondered if he felt the same way. But there was something there in his eyes when he talked to me – and I’ll be honest, it’s a look I’ve never seen him give any other woman. He looked at me like I was the only woman on the planet. He held my hand through everything and never shied away from being with me when around other people.
I promised myself that I would try and remember the rubber band theory – something my old roommate Bridgit and I obsessed over for a period of time and has always stuck with me as a great key to a relationship. It essentially means that relationships are like a rubber band. Initially you are really close and both in the same band. After a period of time, one of you will want to spread out and see friends and do things without you. If you chase after them, the band falls off because you are holding too close. If you stay where you are and remember that they will still come back, the band will stretch but not break. If instead you decide that you also want to spread your wings in retaliation, you might actually end up breaking the band. Either way, stay cool, stay calm and remember how you feel about the other person and the relationship should be fine. The book also talked about picking battles – but that’s for another day.
Back to the point of this post – young love. I don’t care how old you are, when your relationship is new you are experiencing everything as a young person. You get butterflies and you get nervous. You wonder if you should take the lead, or if you should let them. You worry that if you take the lead the other person may not feel the same way. Every young relationship seems like a risk. You are putting your heart out there.
It could be great – or it could be absolutely horrible. You could put your hand out there and touch them and they could recoil. You could pour your heart out and they could tell you the worst thing in the world “I only want to be your friend.” It will be in that instant that your heart will break in two and you will do one of two things – you will go away and never forgive yourself for getting all the signals wrong – or you will go away and hate them for leading you on. You never know how it’s going to go and you really hope and pray that there will be some way you can stay friends, or you can move on. You always will, you know. If it doesn’t work out you will still go on living. You will still be able to breathe. You will love again.
When I met my husband, I had lived through the heart ripping. I was scared because lets face it – I couldn’t believe that I was falling in lvoe again. But boy was I ever. I was falling hard and fast with every keystroke he sent. My heart was beating fast and my mind was racing. After a week of dating, I thought he liked me, but the big kiss hadn’t happened yet. (Can’t believe I’m admitting this – I was 22 not 17 for god’s sake) I wanted to push things along just to make sure so I lightly rubbed the side of his leg with my finger. In my experience, this will mean the person I am interested in will grab my hand and start holding it. Or if he doesn’t like it, he will pick up my hand and politely move it away and then gently inch the other way. Lucky for me – my hubby grabbed my hand and actually started to rub my leg in the same spot. Score one for the home team.
Remembering this makes me smile. Because I still do this with him from time to time and it never fails – he grabs my hand every time. Now we are 7 years on, married for almost 3 and I still get butterflies thinking of him and the wonderful times we’ve shared. Of course that may not have been the case had I not had my heart broken and ripped out. Through that I’ve come to appreciate just how special things really can be.
And I hope, that for all my readers, friends and family, that you also find that special someone to hold your hand – always.