I was a big blubbering crying baby this morning. I got up early with a bit of a headache – usually leads to a bad day. I left bed and went to the living room to try and relax… okay I was trying to pack a couple boxes (got two more done – yay!) As I was packing, I turned on a movie that I had wanted to see that was being shown on our satellite. (Have I told you that I’m going to miss satellite when we move.)

The movie: P.S. I Love You
Starring: Hilary Swank

I missed probably about 15 minutes of the start of the movie, but feel that I came during a very integral part as I was immediately swept into the story.

Here’s the gist of the story, Hilary’s husband dies of a brain tumor. He was 35, she was 29. they lived in New York. The remainder of the story is how through letters he had planned helped her come back from the brink and find herself again.

All throughout the story I was crying. I cried through the sad moments, I cried through the happy ones. I cried when one of his letters told her to buy a lamp and I cried when she sang a really bad karaoke song. I wasn’t really sad, but I couldn’t stop the tears. It touched me. Moved me. I really felt her pain and the heartache of trying to move on when a big piece of you was missing.

It’s a people story, the kind that I love to watch and hate forcing James to sit through. But it made me think of James. Made me think of what life would be like without him and if I could truly go on. I also wondered if I would do the same with him had I found a brain tumor. I thought I might want to. Give him a hand in moving on. But then I worried, what if he moved on before my last letter was sent? What if he found another woman to love, and she resented the letters that I sent. Felt I was the other woman, rather than his wife.

I love my husband. The thought of him with any other woman freaks me out, but yet I know that if I passed I’d want him to still be happy. I’d want him to live on and learn to live without me. My husband is caring and loving and just a wonderful human being. I think that movie helped me see that I need to love the moments now.

Anyhow – enough about me. See the movie. Go by yourself or with someone that you trust – because believe me – you’ll cry too.

Happily though, my headache is gone…