Tag Archives: loss

Of life and loss – Remembering Ray Hachey

This week members of my family suffered a very unexpected loss. My sister-in-law’s step father took a fall and suffered severe head trauma. His death was instantaneous and it really came as a shock to everyone.

Ray Hachey 22-Jun-1946 to 16-Jun-2014
Ray Hachey ~ 22-Jun-1946 to 16-Jun-2014

Ray Hachey was 6 days shy of his 68th birthday.

In talking with my brother and his family, everyone seemed numb. How can someone be so alive the day before, celebrating Father’s Day, laughing and joking and holding onto his granddaughter, and within hours he is gone?

Death can be long and slow for some, or instantaneous for others. It can be deliberate, or a cruel twist of fate.

Ray was a wonderful caring man. Quietly in the background making sure everyone around him was happy. He was a family man and adored spending time with my brother and his family and they adored spending time with him.

In his younger years, Ray was in the navy and was incredibly proud of the work he did there.  Later in life he loved spending time at his home in Cambridge, Ontario and worked on his gardens and deck. He took pride in his work and absolutely adored his partner Louise. They cared for each other, and it was evident whenever they were around each other.

Something about the loss of Ray has hit me hard. It is the entire idea of life and loss. Here one day, gone the next. This hits home for me how much it means to tell those you love how you feel, to let go of the things that hurt you, and to really look inwards toward what you really want in your life.

I know Ray spent his last day doing something he loved. He was surrounded by family in his back yard. He laughed, he smiled, he shared stories. His fall was sudden, but his life was lived.

I hope when my time comes, people can say the same for me. “Her life was lived.”

All the best to you Ray. Guess we’ll catch you on the flip side.

“To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.”
~ Thomas Campbell

UPDATE: A celebration of Ray’s life will take place at his home in Cambridge Friday June 20, 2014 anytime after 2pm. As per Ray’s wishes, no formal funeral has been arranged as he would like everyone to have a party in his honour.

Best Friends 4 Ever….

I spent this morning with my best friends and I was reminded again how having multiple best friends is better than only having one best friend.

It is great having a best friend. Do not get me wrong, having a single best friend can be great. But it can also be incredibly hard work. Over the years I’ve had many times where I only had one best friend, but in those times I found that I always felt guilty doing anything with other friends. I felt like my best friend would feel completely left out if I didn’t do everything with them.

And then there came the not knowing how much time is too much time to spend together. And how often do we need to talk for us to still be best friends.

My husband has accused me of making friends too easily sometimes. This has bothered some of my former best friends. They didn’t generally have the same experience and would feel that I wasn’t being true to their friendship because they felt they were being left out.

Having 4 best friends right now, plus my husband who is I suppose my true best friend, means that they all know about each other. They don’t get mad when I spend time doing something with the other and they can hang out together without me. We all have different relationships with each other, and I’m sure some of them don’t even count the other as a best friend. But they are best friends to me.

In 2011 I lived through one of the most heartbreaking and difficult times of my life. My best friends were all there for me. They brought me wine and food. They sat with me while I tried to rationalize what was going on in my head. They silently encouraged me and checked in on me to make sure that I was okay. And they were there for me in ways that I don’t even think they knew about.

Their stories and adventures kept me going. Their willingness to take me out of my shell and to get me laughing even when I didn’t want to, all meant so much for me. It was a simple twitter message. A simple posting of a picture on facebook. It was fairly regular emails. It was cheesecake on a patio. It was a glass of wine, a cooler full of food and a glass of wine.

I kind of closed myself off last year. But my friends didn’t care. They were still there for me. If I needed them, they’d be there. They were there in the days, weeks and months of my mom’s dying. They were with me in the days, weeks and months afterwards. They have been there for me and I hope that I have been able to let them understand how important that has been to me.

Having a singular best friend is a great thing. But many is an even better thing, and I’m incredibly lucky because I’ve got the absolute best of them. Friendships that just get better as we age and as we experience more and more together. Like a fine wine, my friends just get better with age.

So to my best friends, I love you all. Thank you for making my life better, for always being there for me and for ALWAYS making me feel loved.